Thursday, May 23, 2002

 
Tonight was an extremely cold night, and it's May. This is getting ridiculous... I shouldn't be sitting in a lawn chair in Ben's garage, swathed tightly in my wool coat and scarf and gloves and a sweater, watching Ben and Alex slice at each other with their Clayveys and pausing every so often so my hand can catch up with their brains. I scribed for them tonight, writing down all the moves so they wouldn't forget, and discovered too late that I couldn't write with my gloves on.
I don't mean to complain... because really, I don't mind at all, but it made me laugh that my hand looked like a gnarled, chapped, cracked old woman's hand afterward.
This scene made my day. Gratuitous violence, gratuitous half-nudity, and lots of my favorite boy looking all brave and valiant and just plain... well, cute.
Alejandro and I got bickered at today... we need to work on our stage relationship a bit. I try too hard to not touch him, and he touches my arm too much. Makes for awkward scene.
But I got to yell at Cameron today, and that's all that matters.
11:16 PM

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

 
Rehearsal was cancelled again last night, for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I know that I won't settle into this play and work hard until that stress factor is out of the way. I can't be calm about stretching my limits, when I'm worried that this kiss will just snap them altogether. I've never had to do this before.
Does that make me any less of an actress?
3:58 PM

Sunday, May 19, 2002

 
I missed rehearsal last Monday. It was supposed to be the day that Ben and I had to kiss for the first time.
I was okay with it. I had been screwing up my courage all day, and not eating pickles, even though I was craving them. I wasn't nervous or grouchy about it or anything. I was cheerful, because stage kisses are almost like a rite of passage-- I would finally be a real actress.
But I couldn't find Ben and Eric. They were in none of the usual places we rehearse. Apparently, we chased each other around town for a good hour, with pit stops at my house, and we never ran into one another.
So, we reschedule. Tomorrow is the day.
And I'm feeling all nervous again. I think it's in part because I've always felt inferior to Ben, through no fault of his. Now I'm not afraid of him any more, but I think that my brain still reacts as if I am. And there's the added bonus that I have a boyfriend, and that will make me feel as if I'm cheating on him. And Ben is cute. If he was ugly, I could at least seriously tell people I hate the idea of kissing him, but it really doesn't bother me.
Good grief.
5:47 PM

 
I've finally started to learn the music for the crazy scene. Strangely, I feel much more comfortable with the scene, just because the songs fit so beautifully.
5:38 PM